The internal chill comes over me again,
Seeping through my veins, my skin,
Friends around me become blank faces of strangers,
I separate myself from their warm embrace.
I’m not damaged, I lie to myself,
Just deluded and self pitying.
When I see the faces of strangers,
I pretend it’s just a game I’m playing.
I look into their familiar faces,
And see the tormenters of my childhood past,
I cringe away from their inclusive smiles
I somehow see only hate and insidious lies
Eyesight stained red with infected wounds,
Body twisted in on itself from fear and abuse,
Words that don’t matter only seem to hide
Manipulative power games I cannot abide
I’m messed up, and I’ve said this before,
Sometimes even I don’t believe me; the attention whore,
Stealing my own integrity for love or affection,
I don’t know what I believe, or if I’ve sold my soul for their attention.
I pretend I’m like them.
But inside, I’m alien.
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