Thursday 28 April 2011

28/06/10 If I could see through you.


If I could see through you, like a pane of glass, I wonder what I would see. Would I see the inner workings of your body, blood pumped from your heart and through your veins, lungs contracting, expanding? Could I see the colours of how you feel about me? Can emotion ever be seen, or known?

You are mysterious to me. I just don’t understand you. Sometimes I feel like we could have a lifelong intimacy, yet you are closed off in ways inexplicable to me. The way you touch me makes me feel loved, in a way foreign and new to me. Your touch feels real. But when we speak our words fall into an invisible chasm, and I don’t know this is deliberate on your part, or you are straining and it is deliberate on my part, or whether we are both straining in opposite directions. Right now, I believe you have closed yourself off, and with good reason.

I have made many mistakes, and I continue to make them despite my past knowledge. I don’t know if these mistakes occur for good reason, due to unseen feelings, or whether they are simply mistakes and accumulated will lead to the biggest mistake of my life. Are we meant for each other?

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